This is my obligatory “coming of witch” story. I want to share with you why I became Pagan. This way, we can start out with at least that basic understanding. So, in all honesty I became a Pagan due to loneliness and peer pressure. 

I was just about to turn 18. Most of my friend group had converted to Paganism the year before. Since I was a devout Christian at the time, I got left out of conversations and outings quite often. During the summer between my junior and senior years, I broke down. I started exploring everything as a way to get my friends back. 

I dove in headfirst. I researched everything I think of: gods, goddesses, and different types of magic. I participated in rituals and even attended a class a shop used to offer once a week. I fully immersed myself into every aspect I was comfortable with. I also engaged with one or two aspects I wasn’t comfortable with yet. It was quite a summer for me. It changed many of my outlooks. Yet, none of my core values or morals changed at all. I still felt like an outsider. 

It took several years for me to finally come to grips with my change in faith. Many situations were very hard to explain away or ignore. I suppose the true catalyst for me was discovering my connections to the archangel Gabriel. This discovery made me really accept that there was no “going back” for me. That connection is a story for another day. Still, suffice it to say he made it very hard to stay in denial.  

Since then, it’s just been me trying so very hard to find my place in the world. My whole family is some form of Christian, be it Baptist, Catholic, or Presbyterian to name a few. I’ve maybe been honest with one person in my entire family, not including my husband, about my beliefs. I end up telling my sister everything just because. Of course, my husband knows. He knew from the get-go because I don’t hide it. I just don’t talk about it around my family. 

Even now I feel like I’m out of place with my faith. I’ve struggled with many things in my life. Faith, or religion of any kind, has always been an oddity for me. I always have doubts, always feel like maybe I’m slipping into the realm of insanity. And I suppose that’s because I practice Paganism with Christian morals and values. The thing is, though, I can’t really deny that I’ve been touched by the Christian God either. 

Maybe it’s my connection to Angels. Maybe it’s the fact that I was raised that way. Whatever the reason, I can’t deny my feelings. It feels like I’ve been struck by the “holy two by four across the head.” That’s what my dad says. When I was in therapy for my depression, I ended up going on medication. I had to go to a nurse practitioner for the prescription. The office had a painting on the wall that said, “Be still, and know that I am God.” I can’t tell you the Bible reference anymore, but that was listed too. Seeing that verse is what finally made me relax about my antidepressant. I used to be strongly opposed to any psych med. I said many times I would absolutely never take any. That picture with that quote felt like permission to get better, which if I’m honest was my real issue. 

I still have no clue what my path is. I have an affinity for Angels, and the Norse pantheon. Which are two very different groups of deities, but that’s where I lie, I guess. Exploration and meditation are crucial for finding one’s path. Unfortunately, these are also two things I’m super bad at these days. I have a two year old. I literally just had my second child. I’ve always had issues with coping with stress. It’s very hard for me to just sit down and concentrate on meditation. As for the exploration part, I’m nervous. I had a couple huge mishaps when I first started out. These experiences make me wary about various areas to thoroughly explore. 

I am getting better though. I at least know I’m not much for the solitary practice. I like being included or including people when doing magic work or rituals. I do still love learning about every corner of Paganism I can find. I get easily overwhelmed with life. This often stops me from enjoying even the things I like. 

I hope going ahead you all can keep in mind what my roots are. This will help you better understand the route I’ve taken and will take from here. We’re all constantly learning new things!