Witchcraft and Sexuality

*Previously written in 2022* 

Hello everyone! Hopefully everyone is enjoying their weeks so far. Today’s post is honestly going to be a little awkward and slightly difficult for me to write… I wanted to write about sexuality and witchcraft today. Especially because while I am writing this, it is currently National Coming Out Day.  

For those of you that don’t know, National Coming Out Day is honestly exactly what it sounds like. Founded and first celebrated in 1988 in the US, NCOD is a day for people in the LGBT community that are still in the closet, to come out. It was inaugurated by Robert Eichberb and Jean O’Leary in an attempt to convince people that pretty much everyone knows someone that is a member of the LGBT community. The event is observed annually on October 11^th to celebrate and raise awareness to the people that are in the closet and planning to come out. Originally used to raise awareness, the day has become more of a holiday for LGBT members and allies alike.  

Now, how does this involve witchcraft, you ask? Well, it’s complicated. Sort of. It is a massive generalization that most people that practice witchcraft or Paganism are anything but straight. Which obviously is false. Yes, I would say in my experience, most of the Pagans I know aren’t necessarily straight, that doesn’t mean all of us are gay. There are plenty of straight practitioners. I’m not sure where the concept of “all witches are gay” came from to be honest. I know a lot of misrepresentation has come from Christian views of other religions. Certain sects of Christians tend to demonize faiths that do not align with their own views. This is also why you can hear people try and claim that Pagans are pedophiles and shit like that. And while, yes, some of those types of people could be pagan, that is a gross generalization of pagans, and anyone claiming that is only furthering the reputation that we have been cursed with.  

So, I decided to investigate where the concept of “witches are gay” came from. And while I didn’t necessarily find that answer I thought I was going to find, but I did find something that surprised me. And I don’t know how I missed it when I was doing my post on The Different Types of Wicca. Apparently, Gerald Gardner was slightly homophobic, which I’m not gunna lie, I thought I read about him partaking in massive orgies, so I’m not 100% sure how true it is. But, supposedly, he has very homophobic views on initiations and how they should work. He wrote in his book, Witchcraft Today, about how initiations should only be from a man to a woman, or a woman to a man. The only exception in his eyes would be a father or mother initiating their son or daughter. He has also been quoted saying “There are no homosexual witches, and it is not possible to be a homosexual and a witch”. He thought that the Goddess had strictly forbid same sex interaction in the magical communities.  

Obviously, that’s a load of shit. The entire concept on certain genders being the only ones that can do, or practice certain parts of the craft is ludicrous. I have personally been told that because I was male, I shouldn’t lead full moon rituals (which never was followed lol). What’s between your legs should have no merit on how you work your craft. Well, unless your genitals are involved. Then, and only then, it might be important. And that’s not even going into the concept of transgendered people, because any form of discrimination towards LGBT, is probably severely worse for anyone that is transgendered. And that’s wrong. Especially in our faith. So long and it isn’t going to injure or affect anyone else negatively, everyone should be respected, and their opinions and choices valued.  

Anyways, so here comes the difficult part of this post… aside from trying to help spread awareness about NCOD, I guess I am also going to use it as my “coming out” so to speak. I struggled with my sexuality for quite some time, I grew up with a family that wasn’t the most open about things like this. Which made it even harder for me to process when I was younger, because I was already getting conditioned to avoid showing emotions. I don’t really know when I noticed, but when I was probably around 10 years old or so, I started noticing that I was attracted to guys, as well as girls. Most notably he would have been my best friend at the time. And I hid it from everyone. For several years. I tried to hide it from myself too. But I’ll be the first to tell you, that doesn’t work at all. It wasn’t until I met Serenity and Sapphire that I really even had anyone that I could have told that wouldn’t have left me.  

And even then, knowing that they were both bi too, I still convinced myself that I needed to hide that part of who I am because I thought that they would think less of me for some reason. Which was honestly the complete opposite of what happened. Once I started actually being open about myself and my sexuality, I stopped feeling like I was hiding part of myself from my friends. And while my family still doesn’t know, I have come to a place where I don’t need them to know. I don’t hide myself anymore, I just don’t jump up and tell everyone that I also like guys. To be fair, I don’t really talk to most of my family, so it’s not hard to not worry about them knowing. Lol.  

Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that this is not how coming out can be for some people, there are people that have, and will get disowned for being themselves, and that is horrible. No one should be disowned or kicked out because of who they are. I know how it feels to be afraid that you will lose everything for being who you are, and I know how it feels to have someone stop talking to you for telling your truth. It sucks. The same best friend, that was the reason I started to realize my sexuality, stopped talking to me because of my feeling for him. Which did hurt, it still does. But that feeling does and will get better. And especially now, in the age of the internet and being able to talk to people online and make friends and communities, there is always someone that is interested in your wellbeing.  

So that’s where we are currently. I am bisexual and there is nothing wrong with that. Well, there is a little more than that, but I guess that’s a story for another time. Lol.  

If you are someone in the LGBT+ community, and are feeling low, or are considering harming yourself. Please reach out to someone. There are so many reasons to stay, if anything else, stay and be petty. Show everyone that doubted you that they don’t know shit. If you need help of any kind, The Trevor Project has a crisis line available 24/7 that can be found here. You can call, text, or message them online whenever you need. They also have other resources that can be helpful as well.   

2024 Update: 

It’s been an interesting couple of years since I originally wrote this post. A lot has changed, a lot hasn’t. Most notably, we came out as polyamorous and we have been living as such for almost four years now. We are officially out to everyone and no longer “hiding” it from our families, and surprisingly, it’s been well received. That being said, I also essentially told my entire family that I wasn’t straight at the same time. Which was nerve wreaking, but honestly, no one has said anything about it at all. Which I guess might say more about my relationship with my family than I care to admit. The person I was mostly concerned about learning of my sexuality was my father, and he didn’t even bat an eye when I told him. While he might not fully grasp what we do and don’t do, he’s not disowning me for being me. I have actually gotten so comfortable in my sexuality that Sapphire and I regularly get our nails done and I have been sporting acrylic nails for almost a year and a half now. Teenage me would have been terrified to walk outside with nails on. No matter how much he might have liked them in private.  

I guess all this is to say, it does and will get better. No matter what you are going through currently, there is alway room for it to get better.